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January 2008 
Let it rain love, please?!?
Posted on Oct 28th, 2006
by 
Juan
Juan
So this must be a first. I am not exactly ecstatic as I write this blog.
It is 4 am in Miami right now. I just came back from a friend of the family's wedding. She is more like a cousin to me and the first of the group and my age group to get married. It was a beautiful wedding and during it I told my mother I wanted one just like it. And I do. I want a wedding where everyone celebrate love. Everyone celebrates their relationships with family and friends. I was on a high but then I allowed some issues with my sister get me down.
When I got home I listening to VH1 and the song "Goodbye my lover" from James Blunt came on. I have listened to that song a million and one times even before it became a single. Then I realized myself feeling a little sad. A littled sad asking where my great love would come. Interesting to think that although I can ask for it, it would be even selfish to think it HAS TO BE rather than being detached from it.
It is interesting that I can accept the paradox of god being personal and impersonal at the same time but it is very hard for me to understand that although I am sad in this present moment over my feelings of desiring a lover, I can still be happy. So being BOTH sad and happy are allowed. It is a paradox - I have accepted many others, why cannot I accept this one.
Well Universe, I tell you now - I want a boyfriend. I want someone to cuddle with. I want someone to kiss and someone to touch. I want someone to roll over in the morning and spoon me. I want to be able to look ito someone's eyes and say "I love you and am so happy I will spend the rest of my life with you" withoug saying a word. I want all of what an intimate relationship entails. And because I do not have it at this moment, I am feeling a little low. And I am allowing myself to feel that - yes, it will come to me but right now I want to be ok with feeling sad that it isnt already here.
My relationship with my sister also has me puzzled. One the one side, I feel like she does not come through with her word and that I would normally not have friends like that.. On the other hand, I wonder if I am holding her to a higher standard than i do others. Either way, I feel like my ssiter and I need a break.
This week at Unity Village is just what the doctor ordered. keep me in your prayers and much love.
It is 4 am in Miami right now. I just came back from a friend of the family's wedding. She is more like a cousin to me and the first of the group and my age group to get married. It was a beautiful wedding and during it I told my mother I wanted one just like it. And I do. I want a wedding where everyone celebrate love. Everyone celebrates their relationships with family and friends. I was on a high but then I allowed some issues with my sister get me down.
When I got home I listening to VH1 and the song "Goodbye my lover" from James Blunt came on. I have listened to that song a million and one times even before it became a single. Then I realized myself feeling a little sad. A littled sad asking where my great love would come. Interesting to think that although I can ask for it, it would be even selfish to think it HAS TO BE rather than being detached from it.
It is interesting that I can accept the paradox of god being personal and impersonal at the same time but it is very hard for me to understand that although I am sad in this present moment over my feelings of desiring a lover, I can still be happy. So being BOTH sad and happy are allowed. It is a paradox - I have accepted many others, why cannot I accept this one.
Well Universe, I tell you now - I want a boyfriend. I want someone to cuddle with. I want someone to kiss and someone to touch. I want someone to roll over in the morning and spoon me. I want to be able to look ito someone's eyes and say "I love you and am so happy I will spend the rest of my life with you" withoug saying a word. I want all of what an intimate relationship entails. And because I do not have it at this moment, I am feeling a little low. And I am allowing myself to feel that - yes, it will come to me but right now I want to be ok with feeling sad that it isnt already here.
My relationship with my sister also has me puzzled. One the one side, I feel like she does not come through with her word and that I would normally not have friends like that.. On the other hand, I wonder if I am holding her to a higher standard than i do others. Either way, I feel like my ssiter and I need a break.
This week at Unity Village is just what the doctor ordered. keep me in your prayers and much love.
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