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January 2008 
Silent Retreat - August 17th
Posted on Aug 21st, 2006
by 
Juan
Juan
Wow I did not how long it had been since I had blogged. I think looking back on this week that I did not give myself enough reflection time at night. I had a lot of reflections during the day but when it came to getting online to blog, I chose to do something less productive like watch really bad TV.
The following are the 9 or so pages of notes I took on Friday, Aug. 17th at a Silent Retreat I went to from 10 AM to 3 PM. During that time I did not speak once. At 3 I only began talking to share of my experience. it was a beautiful day and below is the journal I kept.
After first 50 minute silence time
It is amazing how Silence makes you thirsty. I need for my thirst to be quenched. Amazging that the Spiritual manifests in the pysical. Just one more way to realzie - as within, so with out.
After second 50 minute silence time
Still thirsty but knowing God is filling me alway with love and joy.
At the beginning of the second time of meditation I cried. I cried longing to always know God. In accepting my need of God my soul cried out. Cried out because I have so much of God but yet so little. God is as me, through me and to me and yet there seems to be another face of God I long for. How lucky to be so awre of my journey! How lucky to love God and be loved by God. I now understand the joy of David. I now want to knkow the wisdom of Solomon and the peace of Jesus. It is a beautiful thing this journey. Thank you God.
Before lunch, we had time to walk around while we waited for the food to arrive. I chose to use the time to walk our labyrinth.
The labyrinth. So exciting, so insightful.
Its amazing how you begin and end at the same spot yet you dont really know its all about the beginning until you walk the labyrinth. You mut journey through life to know that you end up right where you started - Divine Mind.
The journey is intersting, so full, so rich. At differnet points of the labyrinth you face all of the cardinal signs - east, west, north, south and everything in between. I noticed also that the stripes on the ground were paints blue to me representing water. I was barefoot feeling the earth, the asphalt was hot and I noticed the fire and I consciously breathed into the labyrinth the air - the breath of life.
I have for a long time used "love" as a mantra when trying to center myself, when reminding myself to go to Source. Today it did not seem tow ork during hte first meditation and certainly in the labyrinth. So I began to use "peace" as the mantra and the effects were immediate. I felt connected to my 4T prayer group. We decided to choose peace as our cnetral group focus and we always end out prayer time with the affirmation:
Divine Peace within us manifests peace in our world.
Emotions ran up my spine. I felt connected to my group, to my heart, to God. I can tell peace is calling to be expressed in my life and I intend it in all my activities. The Peace of God is within me.
I really enjoyed doing the labyrinth barefoot. I could feel the life force and its heat running trough my body. I felt at one with the hot earth.
Another revelation was just that. I have always tried to silence my mind and at one point I felt I was "thinking" of the labyrinth too much and then I had a revelation. I was the wisdom of God. God's wisdom was revealing itself to me. What I must silence is what comes from the place of ego, what does not allow me to know my Truth. All of these "thoughts" on the labyrinth brought me closer to the understanding of God and myself. Those arent through of mind, those are revelations of Divine Mind.
Towards the end of my journey someone joined the labyrinth. We are all on our own journey and although at one time or another we meet, it is our individual journey to take. At other times she was close to me in proximity but yet at a different "leg" of the journey. Even if we are of "like mind" I must respect, honor and understand that we are constantly in different processes and stages of those processes. One same journey, many different paths.
In the center of the labyrinth I thanked God for many things. I was struck by my gratitude that said "thank you God for being able to be your bride." I understand it now. I am in Divine co-creating partnership with God. I take the oath to become a minister - to allow od to be my foundation and allow the Divine Idea to be birthed through me.
Is it any wonder the joy I felt ini the labyrinth? Is it any wonder I am the embodiment of joy. Thank you Mother Father Joy. Thank you.
This was written after lunch
I believe I have discovered the secret of life and it was all through SOUP! We just had lunch. I kept the silence and was aware of our nourishment. I could hear the crunchiness of cucumbers, feel the melting of the cheese. It was beautiful. We also ha gaspacho. I saw that I let the gaspacho sit for a brief moment and the ingridients started to separate. One I stirred, it was back to being connected and was once again a delicious, fresh, full of energy soup. I thought - THAT is life! Life's ups and downs was just the stirring to remind us that we are all connected to each other and to Spirit. There is nothing to fear from the stirring, it is purposeful.
So I bagan to think of the sense of separation. Divine Mind created Divine Idea, Divine Idea created ideas also and those ideas started having thoughts on themselves. Divine Idea saw how theose thoughts became confused and felt separate. Just like a grandchild is the same lineage as the grandfather, still the grandchild feels further away from the grandfather. Anyways Divine Idea created life for these thoughts in order to remind them of being connected. Life is not what we create out of separation but what we create because we long to be ONE.
After lunch, our silent meditation was doing a mandala that represented your life so far
The universe hears all. I had just told someone I wanted to do a mandala and here it is my next exercise (actually I had thought about it after seeing someones mandala on zaadz). Beautiful, I cried knowing I am supported. I am letting God direct me with the colors to use and where to use them. I will allow God to choose them from the box. All I picked at first were "joyous" light colors and then I got gray. I looked at the crayon but it doesnt have the name on it. Wow, whatever colors shape your life, do not label that color. It isnt light or dark, its a color that makes the mandala colorful, unique and beautiful.
The way I had the paper position was landscape. To me it meant that my life is not LONG but it is WIDE REACHING. When I said my life is not long, did i mean my life wasnt going to last long or that it had not been long so far - or both. Regardless I will touch more than either lengths.
I got white on white paper. Sometimes I may feel a "color" wont do much different but it adds texture!
The same color would come up to be used in areas next to each other sometimes. Thinngs come up again so you can revisit things left behind...but you can choose to continue.
Have the mandala speak to me - not me into it!!!!
Don't be so controlling, even the colors are unpure. They have shades within shades, processes within processes.
I ended up using every single color in my box without ever making an effort about it. Thank you God!
Simple mandala:
lots of green - prosperity
red supported by red - love
orange - prayer/Chaplaincy
purple - service
prayer supports my prosperity
prosperity supports my prosperity
love supports my love
my "grays" support my desire to be of service, it is my way to heal and be connected.
My mandala is so connected to my labyrinth. There is a center of gratitude, everything else built around it. N.S.E.W. All in a circle but with intricate processes within the circle.
I dont thirst during the day like I have today. I dont thirst for busyness - I thirst for Silence.
I was getting anxious with the pounding of crayons (some people were coloring very hard) but I must honor it, for it is how we all make our different mandalas.
This was the last notes I took after tearing up the mandala but before it being 3 PM and having the ability to share about our experience.
The Silence is not darkness. The VOID is not empty. I dont like that term - the void. Another V word I will try not to use.
All things seen, depend on things unseen.
I love myself, just as God created me.
I cannot discuss the mandala by showing it. We tore it up. Is this a lesson in detachment from lessons learned? Intersting. What I will say about my mandala will come from my heart. My communication through the heart without symbols or signs - just the Spirit of what my mandala meant...of what is my mandala STILL - its the essence of my mandala that remains.
Thank you God for a great day.
The following are the 9 or so pages of notes I took on Friday, Aug. 17th at a Silent Retreat I went to from 10 AM to 3 PM. During that time I did not speak once. At 3 I only began talking to share of my experience. it was a beautiful day and below is the journal I kept.
After first 50 minute silence time
It is amazing how Silence makes you thirsty. I need for my thirst to be quenched. Amazging that the Spiritual manifests in the pysical. Just one more way to realzie - as within, so with out.
After second 50 minute silence time
Still thirsty but knowing God is filling me alway with love and joy.
At the beginning of the second time of meditation I cried. I cried longing to always know God. In accepting my need of God my soul cried out. Cried out because I have so much of God but yet so little. God is as me, through me and to me and yet there seems to be another face of God I long for. How lucky to be so awre of my journey! How lucky to love God and be loved by God. I now understand the joy of David. I now want to knkow the wisdom of Solomon and the peace of Jesus. It is a beautiful thing this journey. Thank you God.
Before lunch, we had time to walk around while we waited for the food to arrive. I chose to use the time to walk our labyrinth.
The labyrinth. So exciting, so insightful.
Its amazing how you begin and end at the same spot yet you dont really know its all about the beginning until you walk the labyrinth. You mut journey through life to know that you end up right where you started - Divine Mind.
The journey is intersting, so full, so rich. At differnet points of the labyrinth you face all of the cardinal signs - east, west, north, south and everything in between. I noticed also that the stripes on the ground were paints blue to me representing water. I was barefoot feeling the earth, the asphalt was hot and I noticed the fire and I consciously breathed into the labyrinth the air - the breath of life.
I have for a long time used "love" as a mantra when trying to center myself, when reminding myself to go to Source. Today it did not seem tow ork during hte first meditation and certainly in the labyrinth. So I began to use "peace" as the mantra and the effects were immediate. I felt connected to my 4T prayer group. We decided to choose peace as our cnetral group focus and we always end out prayer time with the affirmation:
Divine Peace within us manifests peace in our world.
Emotions ran up my spine. I felt connected to my group, to my heart, to God. I can tell peace is calling to be expressed in my life and I intend it in all my activities. The Peace of God is within me.
I really enjoyed doing the labyrinth barefoot. I could feel the life force and its heat running trough my body. I felt at one with the hot earth.
Another revelation was just that. I have always tried to silence my mind and at one point I felt I was "thinking" of the labyrinth too much and then I had a revelation. I was the wisdom of God. God's wisdom was revealing itself to me. What I must silence is what comes from the place of ego, what does not allow me to know my Truth. All of these "thoughts" on the labyrinth brought me closer to the understanding of God and myself. Those arent through of mind, those are revelations of Divine Mind.
Towards the end of my journey someone joined the labyrinth. We are all on our own journey and although at one time or another we meet, it is our individual journey to take. At other times she was close to me in proximity but yet at a different "leg" of the journey. Even if we are of "like mind" I must respect, honor and understand that we are constantly in different processes and stages of those processes. One same journey, many different paths.
In the center of the labyrinth I thanked God for many things. I was struck by my gratitude that said "thank you God for being able to be your bride." I understand it now. I am in Divine co-creating partnership with God. I take the oath to become a minister - to allow od to be my foundation and allow the Divine Idea to be birthed through me.
Is it any wonder the joy I felt ini the labyrinth? Is it any wonder I am the embodiment of joy. Thank you Mother Father Joy. Thank you.
This was written after lunch
I believe I have discovered the secret of life and it was all through SOUP! We just had lunch. I kept the silence and was aware of our nourishment. I could hear the crunchiness of cucumbers, feel the melting of the cheese. It was beautiful. We also ha gaspacho. I saw that I let the gaspacho sit for a brief moment and the ingridients started to separate. One I stirred, it was back to being connected and was once again a delicious, fresh, full of energy soup. I thought - THAT is life! Life's ups and downs was just the stirring to remind us that we are all connected to each other and to Spirit. There is nothing to fear from the stirring, it is purposeful.
So I bagan to think of the sense of separation. Divine Mind created Divine Idea, Divine Idea created ideas also and those ideas started having thoughts on themselves. Divine Idea saw how theose thoughts became confused and felt separate. Just like a grandchild is the same lineage as the grandfather, still the grandchild feels further away from the grandfather. Anyways Divine Idea created life for these thoughts in order to remind them of being connected. Life is not what we create out of separation but what we create because we long to be ONE.
After lunch, our silent meditation was doing a mandala that represented your life so far
The universe hears all. I had just told someone I wanted to do a mandala and here it is my next exercise (actually I had thought about it after seeing someones mandala on zaadz). Beautiful, I cried knowing I am supported. I am letting God direct me with the colors to use and where to use them. I will allow God to choose them from the box. All I picked at first were "joyous" light colors and then I got gray. I looked at the crayon but it doesnt have the name on it. Wow, whatever colors shape your life, do not label that color. It isnt light or dark, its a color that makes the mandala colorful, unique and beautiful.
The way I had the paper position was landscape. To me it meant that my life is not LONG but it is WIDE REACHING. When I said my life is not long, did i mean my life wasnt going to last long or that it had not been long so far - or both. Regardless I will touch more than either lengths.
I got white on white paper. Sometimes I may feel a "color" wont do much different but it adds texture!
The same color would come up to be used in areas next to each other sometimes. Thinngs come up again so you can revisit things left behind...but you can choose to continue.
Have the mandala speak to me - not me into it!!!!
Don't be so controlling, even the colors are unpure. They have shades within shades, processes within processes.
I ended up using every single color in my box without ever making an effort about it. Thank you God!
Simple mandala:
lots of green - prosperity
red supported by red - love
orange - prayer/Chaplaincy
purple - service
prayer supports my prosperity
prosperity supports my prosperity
love supports my love
my "grays" support my desire to be of service, it is my way to heal and be connected.
My mandala is so connected to my labyrinth. There is a center of gratitude, everything else built around it. N.S.E.W. All in a circle but with intricate processes within the circle.
I dont thirst during the day like I have today. I dont thirst for busyness - I thirst for Silence.
I was getting anxious with the pounding of crayons (some people were coloring very hard) but I must honor it, for it is how we all make our different mandalas.
This was the last notes I took after tearing up the mandala but before it being 3 PM and having the ability to share about our experience.
The Silence is not darkness. The VOID is not empty. I dont like that term - the void. Another V word I will try not to use.
All things seen, depend on things unseen.
I love myself, just as God created me.
I cannot discuss the mandala by showing it. We tore it up. Is this a lesson in detachment from lessons learned? Intersting. What I will say about my mandala will come from my heart. My communication through the heart without symbols or signs - just the Spirit of what my mandala meant...of what is my mandala STILL - its the essence of my mandala that remains.
Thank you God for a great day.
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