Gaia Community: Juan's Blog

What 2008 brings..

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 16:16:23 GMT

Well, hhow excited am I to be blogging on 2008. I first make a commitment with myself that I will blog at least once a month here on Zaadz. I want to continue supporting the expansion of this amazing website filled with people who continue to inspire and teach me. This is a retreat for me - Thank you to all those who make it possible.

2008 has come in and with it, fresh air. I am not entirely comfortable with all of the changes at work but I do realize that these changes are continuing to expand my awareness of who and what I am. Some of the changes are easier than others of course as is always the case. I am working on just Being with the changes. I recently read that my Enneagram personality is such that I tend to be comfortable and in many ways welcome the idea that in all parts of life and in all situations I can see Divine Order working through them. I can see a war and realize that it is bringing us to a greater awareness of God. I can see that the war is asking for us to understand ourselves more. It is not like I do not act against war, it is that I can see that the fact I act against the war is the good that comes from that war. And my growth and the deepening of our race consciousness is the good at the heart of the situation. But anyway, what the enneagram also told me was that I sometimes could not allow myself to understand that my emotions and what I feel, especially those judged "bad feelings" were all part of the Divine Order also. So I am taking the decision to committ to allowing myself to BE with my anxiety, BE with my discomfort, BE with my hurt, etc. I want to allow myself to Be with them but not OF them.

I also think I feel like new waters are here again. I recently met someone who is continuing to impress me. Not so much with all of the wonderful things he does (which are many) but he impresses me with his ability to make me think of him, smile at the thought of him, make me feel happy. After two years of not seriously dating someone, the opportunity to have that once again is really inspiring me to bring more of who I am, my true nature, to full expression. If I can manifest this relationship into my life - how powerful am I! I am powerful enough to bring more health, more love, deeper relationships, more fulfilling situations all into my life. Not for his sake, not for the sake of others but for the sake of ME.

I have always strived to be a grateful person. I have always felt I thank God and Divine Spirit for as much as a I can. Truly, I say to you Divine Mother Father God that I am grateful for this and all my experiences. Thank you for 2007 and all the inner work, both conscious and unconscious, that came through me for me as me. I thank you for 2008 for all of what is to come and what already IS. I thank you for your continued support and love being expressed in so many different ways. I sit here today knowing your beauty and allowing myself to see that beauty in all that I do.

What does 2008 bring into my life? All God. There is no other power, there is no other force. Whatever ways it choses and I allow it to by which express, it is only God and therefore only good and therefore only joy. Yay!

Tags: 2008, gratitude, Divine, dating

Another year goes by...

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:27:56 GMT

Wow - this is from a blog entry over a year ago:

"Well Universe, I tell you now - I want a boyfriend. I want someone to cuddle with. I want someone to kiss and someone to touch. I want someone to roll over in the morning and spoon me. I want to be able to look ito someone's eyes and say "I love you and am so happy I will spend the rest of my life with you" withoug saying a word. I want all of what an intimate relationship entails. And because I do not have it at this moment, I am feeling a little low. And I am allowing myself to feel that - yes, it will come to me but right now I want to be ok with feeling sad that it isnt already here."

I recently saw a commercial that said if you werent happy with Match.com after 6 months, you got another 6 months free. Well, where is that Customer Service number cause I need to give them a call. Hehe.

Blogging has made me feel better. I can see how ridiculous I am being and at the same time I am being okay with not being sure of what exactly I am being. Woohoo.

Tags: love, boyfriend

If you hear the call...

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:19:14 GMT

then answer it. I guess that is what happened today. After a phone conversation that just left me so confused, I did not want to go back to reading (although I am thoroughly enjoying the book on Spiritual Paths of the Enneagram). I decided to come on the computer and check emails. An email led me to Zaadz to read a comment and viola - I thought - I want to blog.

To my surprise, it has been over a year since my last blog entry. I did not think it was that often. Where has this year gone? Today, if I am to honor this moment, I am not closer to any of my goals. I know that Spiritually speaking, I am. I have walked the journey I was meant to walk this year and that has brought me closer to my complete awareness of Truth. But in this physical world of "time and space" there are still so many things I wish I had done already.

I have started working with a Life Coach and I can already see the improvements. We are working on me being "strong but gentle". I have the gentle part down but am working on being at peace with my strength. I am journaling for that process. I have also journaled throughout the year for other things but I have not blogged. So here goes:

Tonight, I am quite unsure of where I stand in my thoughts. I am torn between wanting to fully honor my feelings and making me snap out of them. I am between devaluing my feelings and pretending that they are an over dramatization of something or telling myself that I need to experience these emotions. Quite honestly, I am even confused as to what those emotions are!

Someone recently told me I should try out living in the gray rather than living in a world of black and white. For the most part, I think I can be very objective and see reasons for the black, white and gray. There are some parts of the gray that I just dont know how to handle. I think what I question is how much gray I am supposed to experience. At that shade of gray do I self care or decide to be so very present in this NOW moment?

Ah I love journaling. Realizing some of what you are saying doesn't make sense yet still putting it down on paper because you know somehow it is freeing you.

Anyway, I think I will gather more of my thoughts in bed and see if I can read some more.

Good night!

Tags:

Halloween at Unity Village

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 15:07:33 GMT

Yesterday was Halloween. Normally it is about people dressing up in joyful rememberance of the days when people did this to scare away the Spirits of All Saints Day on Nov. 1st. Yesterday at Unity, it was completely different.

For Halloween here at Unity Village there were some people who did dress up. Actually there was even a costume contest. But the most facinating thing for me was to be here for Halloween at a place where costumes are not the norm. The norm is for people to be completely who they are - no veil of separation, no veil of guilt, no veil of hiding. Interesting now that I write this that the no veil idea was involved in most of the day.

I started off in the 630 am meditation. I have to be completely honest when I say that I have enjoyed so much wakinig up at 530 in the morning. I definately will be waking up much earlier in Miami now. After meditation we had breakfast and I was honored to have breakfast with Paul Hasselbeck, long time Unity minister and also person in charge of the SEE program here. We discussed the idea of the fall of man and the divinity of jesus. It was a great conversation. I am no closer to getting my answers but I feel like I dont have to be closer. Just the mere exchange of ideas with someone who was arousing my intellect was enough. We discussed that there is only one error perception of Ego Mind. There is only one Christ Consciousness. This whole idea of individual consciousness, as I see it, is just another false idea brought on by the feeling of separation.

After breakfast I got a private tour of Silent Unity. Silent Unity is the prayer ministry of Unity. 24 Hours a day, 7 days a week, people are available to pray over the phone with someone. This program has been going on for a century now. Amazing! Actually there was someone working in the prayer room who has been praying on the phone with people for over 30 years! I was given a tour by a wonderful woman who truly expressed the joy and the peace that comes from working in a place like this. I was also given permission to go into the Prayer Chapel. In the Prayer Chapel there is at least one person praying at all times of the day..again, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. You have to go in and leave either on the hour or the half hour. I did a half hour. The energy in the room was amazing. I was blessed to have that experience. And I am blessed to be so aware of the blessing of such an experience.

After that was my 12 Powers class. I turned in my assignment. For my project I created a program based on the 12 Powers of Man for the coordinators meeting I have at my job. I was really happy with it. The class went well also.

Then came lunch which was fun and exciting. The people I have met here are truly a blessing in anyone's lives and truly raise the consciousness of all.

We had a guest at our Jesus Christ Heals class which came to tell us how he cured himself of MS after a moment of enlightment when he was already blind and incapacitated. He was what seemed to be the picture of perfect health. Aside from that though, I have enjoyed the class a lot. I brought up some of my ideas on the ONENESS of our consciousness and the responsibility that we have not only for our own error thoughts but the error thoughts of all others - after all we are all one. It didnt seem to inspire a lot in people. I think it is still not part of their process to realize that.

Mediation class was great. I fell asleep during the first meditation (again) but the second one was fun. It was based on the Catholic Contemplative Meditation practices. I think I will adopt it.

We had dinner which again was fabulous.

Then we went to a 7 pm Wednesday Night service. It was a very interesting service. You could tell that it was a new ministerial candidate that gave it. He still needed practice but I was able to see beyond that and hear the message. First of, I thought to myself that I will one day be up their practicing also, God willing. It was beautiful to know that me and that ministerial candidate were going in similar paths but both centered in a movement that is based on love and good and a peaceful God. The talk was on lifting the veil between us and God. Once the veil is lifted and we see no separation, then we will truly experience love and peace.

The music was good but it did make me realize how fortunate we are at Unity on the Bay. I went to the cottage and put on some Inner Voice and started belting out some tunes. I was singing and dancing for what seemed hours. it was great. This morning I found out a student, Pat, had heard the whole thing when she was out and about admiring the moon. Haha. Anyway, in Jesus Christ Heals, it discusses the healing power of joy and music. It says to not worry about how you sing because eventually, as you connect more with Spirit trhoguh song, you will be receptive to that beautiful true voice of Spirit. I loved it.

Then I did my paper for Jesus Christ Heals and I loved it. I love all that is flowing from me while here. There is a lot of inspiration and healing going on. I cant wait to be back. I cant wait to take this feeling back home.

Anyway, I am off to explore some more of Unity Village. Talk to you soon. I love you Juan!

Tags: Unity Village, Jesus Christ Heals, music, Oneness, Halloween, Silent Unity, prayer

First/Second day of classes at Unity

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 04:24:11 GMT

So last night I must have gotten to bed at like 10 pm. I had very vivid dreams and I think its just the energy that is here at Unity. We woke up at 530 am so we could be at the morning meditation at 630 in the Fillmore Chapel. Then we had breakfast and first period began.

Since I am not taking a first period class, I went to the library and then to the archives. In the library I looked up the Daily Word for the day I was born and it was KINDNESS. A lot of joy rushed through my body for I know that if there is one thing I embody is KINDNESS. It was nice getting that affirmation.

Then I went to the archives where just being surrounded by all those books and memories of the Fillmores and the movement made me cry. I was crying all over the place just realizing that YES i am in the cradle of a movement that I think is instrumental in allowing for the human consciousness to evolve. I got to see both Myrtle and Charles' offices. I actually was even able to reserve Charles' office so I could sit and work in it from 8 to 830 am tomorrow morning. I cannot wait. Truly.

My first class was 12 powers and what I can say is that the facilitator is a sweet sweet man.

more tomorrow my roommate is waking.

So I didnt even get a chance to journal on this thing all day. Of course I am journaling for two classes. One of the journals is for the 12 powers of man and its really just about how i have come to understand the powers. The book is great although somewhat antiquated. I love the fact that at Unity, we can discuss how we disagree with our co-founder and its perfectly accepted and in some cases, agreed with.

the other journal is for the mediation class. I am enjoying that class for many reasons but mainly it is just a nice relaxing time after a long day of thinking.

In the morning today I used Charles Fillmore's office to do some of my reading. The energy was amazing. I felt like I was understanding everything he wrote in the chapters I was reading. Thank you God for that experience. Tomorrow I hope to be able to get into Myrtle Fillmore's office. Me and my new friend Kris are going to try to see if we get special permission to do it.

My Jesus Christ Heals class is going well. I am enjoying the open discussions even though I feel some people would rather not go through it. Kris' husband, Keith, is in their with me and between the two of us we keep everyone on their toes. I like them a lot. Keith is calling me son now. He looks like a cuter Richard Gere and Kris is very pretty herself. They both have been Unity students for awhile. I really enjoy the enthusiasm with which Keith shares his knowledge and understanding. I think we are on the same page as to what we want to get out of the classes.

Tonight I did my homework not in my room but in the rec room. Afterwards, while I was walking to my room with Sonia, we saw dear just a few feet away. Just another expression of hte law of attraction here at Unity. Even the animals want to be near this place. I told my mom to start preparing herself in case i move here. It would be nice. We will see what Spirit has in store for me.

Another thing we manifested here was a camera. Both Sonia and I forgot ours and so after we werent able to buy one here, Sonia said - just wait and see how we manifested. So yesterday I mention to Glen and Mara from UOTB who are here to graduate into the SEE C Program, that if they could to please pass by and buy us one on their way to where they are staying (outside of Unity Village). Mara responded by letting me borrow hers for the week seeing as how they have been here before. I have taken amazing pictures. Everything here just looks so pretty and bright and crisp.

Well anyway, I think we have had enough of this. I will let you go with the last remaining thought - I went to a meeting of LUT candidates and possible ministerial school candidates and I was really drawn to ministerial school. Again someone mentioned they saw me as a good one today. Not my will but God's will.

AMEN.

Tags: Unity Village, Jesus Christ Heals, ministering. manifestation, Charles Fillmore

Unity Village - Light of the World

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 02:49:38 GMT

So I am at Unity Village now and today has just been a fabulous day.

It started with my beautiful flights. One into Atlanta and then to Kansas City. I read most of the time on the first flight. Truly, it was a beautiful experience. I was reading "Jesus Christ Heals" and it is a great great book. When we took off from Ft. Lauderdale, I looked out the window and cried. Such beauty on this earth. To think that we have co-created such a wonderful place. I should concrentrate more on that then how "awful" it can be. Just remember that it is a wonderful place and naturally I will be aligned with its beauty and do things only to enhance it rather than diminish it. I am glad I took the step of being a vegetarian.

My next flight was supposed to be lots of reading also but I sat on the plane next to a wonderful guy. He was cute, intelligent, funny and very open. He was also gushing over his son and his wife. It was nice to talk to him for those two and a half hours. I felt I had met a friend from another part of the spectrum from what I normally meet as to lifestyle. We exchanged numbers. He was flying from Atlanta where he was in a conference to Kansas City for another conference. He lives in Hamilton, Ontario Canada. We talked about the possibility of getting dinner one of these nights. Who knows? I hope so but if anything, I would like to keep in touch with him through email.

Then we got to Unity Village. I am sharing this experience with my friend Sonia. It is great to have her here with me to discuss our love of Unity and the energy we receive from it (and give back). Truly this is a beautiful campus with lots of loving, wonderful, vibrant energy. The people are great also. Actually when I got to Kansas City and we were on our way to the village, I cried again. I was just in the love that was Unity and being at its birthplace. Then I cried a little at Unity Village. Haha. All tears of joy though.

We walked around and went to the bookstore and bought some things here and there. We realized we did not have our cameras - we forgot them in Florida! We asked the bookstore if they had any and they did not. The wonderful lady working there, Kathleen, told us she was off at 7 and she would take us into town to get some if we wanted. What a beautiful woman! She also said that after hearing me talk, she knew I would be a good minister and spread the Unity movement. She never even asked me if it was my intention to be a minister!!!

Then we had dinner and met some great people. There is a couple from San Fran, a guy from New York (ex dancer - cute smile), someone from South Florida, a few from other parts. I got to talk to a lot of them - the ex dancer, Ken and Sonia, made reference to me being a social butterfly. Really it is just because I am in joy of being in the presence of people who have made a conscious decision to say YES to God.

They had a service tonight. Really pretty. The music was great. Three ladies sang (someone called them our own Dixie Chicks). Then a ministerial school student gave a small talk. I approached everyone to thank them for it. I told one of the singers that I felt like I knew them for a long time, that they all seemed so open. She said she felt the same thing from me as soon as she saw me. Beautiful!

Funny, I could go on and on but I wont. Just interesting to mention though that most people I have met somehow or another know of Unity on the Bay. I mean to tell you how funny the connections are...as we were walking back to the Unity Cottages I saw a woman walking by herself so I introduced myself and we began talking about Unity. I asked her where she was from and she said New Hampshire. I mentioned I was from Unity ont he Bay. She said she had heard of it from someone...before she could finish I asked if it was Jim Labrie (he is a congregant at UOTB I had the pleasure of meeting and I know he goes lives someo of the time in NH). Anyway, it was him. She actually learned of UOTB from Jim's secretary up there. What a small world.

Anyway, Sonia is falling asleep (its only 8:48 PM - not sure why she is so tired..im wired) and there are still a lot of books I need to read for classes tomorrow.

Thank you all for reading this. I know with every word you read, you are sending me love and I return it to you joyfully.

Tags: Unity Village, Jesus Christ Heals, ministering

Let it rain love, please?!?

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 08:06:36 GMT

So this must be a first. I am not exactly ecstatic as I write this blog.

It is 4 am in Miami right now. I just came back from a friend of the family's wedding. She is more like a cousin to me and the first of the group and my age group to get married. It was a beautiful wedding and during it I told my mother I wanted one just like it. And I do. I want a wedding where everyone celebrate love. Everyone celebrates their relationships with family and friends. I was on a high but then I allowed some issues with my sister get me down.

When I got home I listening to VH1 and the song "Goodbye my lover" from James Blunt came on. I have listened to that song a million and one times even before it became a single. Then I realized myself feeling a little sad. A littled sad asking where my great love would come. Interesting to think that although I can ask for it, it would be even selfish to think it HAS TO BE rather than being detached from it.

It is interesting that I can accept the paradox of god being personal and impersonal at the same time but it is very hard for me to understand that although I am sad in this present moment over my feelings of desiring a lover, I can still be happy. So being BOTH sad and happy are allowed. It is a paradox - I have accepted many others, why cannot I accept this one.

Well Universe, I tell you now - I want a boyfriend. I want someone to cuddle with. I want someone to kiss and someone to touch. I want someone to roll over in the morning and spoon me. I want to be able to look ito someone's eyes and say "I love you and am so happy I will spend the rest of my life with you" withoug saying a word. I want all of what an intimate relationship entails. And because I do not have it at this moment, I am feeling a little low. And I am allowing myself to feel that - yes, it will come to me but right now I want to be ok with feeling sad that it isnt already here.

My relationship with my sister also has me puzzled. One the one side, I feel like she does not come through with her word and that I would normally not have friends like that.. On the other hand, I wonder if I am holding her to a higher standard than i do others. Either way, I feel like my ssiter and I need a break.

This week at Unity Village is just what the doctor ordered. keep me in your prayers and much love.

Tags: sister, wedding, love, unity village

Can you believe it?

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 20:09:58 GMT

You know, its not like I always set out to only blog on my happiness but it is just that I love my life so much and I am so grateful for it. All things just seem to fall into place. At times I am a bit confused with the way Spirit is directing my life but then it all becomes clear and how could I not be so joyous!

When I was thinking about this blog I thought I would write "I wish everyone was this happy" and then I thought, "well isnt everyone so happy deep down inside but they just don't realize it?" But this was my next thought - which I love - "Why must I give in to the race consciousness idea that the world does not realize how happy it is?"

Yes, I know a few minutes ago I read something on poverty and then a few hours ago I read something about a rape..but that was not now, that we the past. Why must I believe the past is right here right now in the present. So I do not give into race consciousness that wants to have me believe there are things that are not of Spirit or things that happen as a result of not realizing our own potential because RIGHT NOW, I KNOW there is only happiness in this world and peace reigns supreme. How fabulous! (Yes I used fabulous, its the gay gene talking)

So besides all those wonderful things I am grateful for, I will be visiting Kansas City at the end of the month. I will be there for a week taking some classes on Metaphysics. Actually I will be taking only three of the possible four classes. The fist period I could only choose from classes I have already taken so I will use that time to enjoy the library started by the Fillmores, walk along the campus that has hosted so many enlightened individuals and just take in the experience of being in such a peaceful place. I cannot wait!

My other three classes will be: Background of New Thought and Unity (or maybe Twelve Powers), Jesus Christ Heals and Meditation Practices B.

Anyway, love love love. I am happy.

Anyways my dear Zaadzters...enjoy the joy of being here. I know you do.

Tags: Fillmore, Unity, peace, joy

More to be grateful for

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 04:46:53 GMT

I am physically tired but spiritually so awake. I have enjoyed this day. A day of beauty, a day of purpose, a day full of intention.

I am taking care of my friends beautiful dog Mimi and so I rode my bike with her to a nearby park. We were there for a few hours. I read most of the time and also played with Mimi. Right there, on the grass under the shade of palm trees as I looked to the bay right in front of me with Miami Beach on the other side of beautiful blue ocean.

I remember having a moment of being the observer. Observing myself observing the world. It was interesting. I was short but deep. I was reading Wayne Dyer's power of intention and at one point it asked to bask in the beauty that surrounded me. What a perfect spot for it, huh? And to think this is MY life. My life is the one that has such beauty and such purpose. My life - through the grace of Spirit.

Then I went with my friend where we were adding beauty to a the office of our senior minister. It looked great at the end of a two day renovation project. Thank you God for friends.

Now I am home listening to the new India Arie CD and it makes my heart just feel soulful and expansive. All of this gives me additional things that I have known to always been thankful for, sometimes unconsciously.

I am thankful for music.
I am thankful for smiles.
I am thankful for beauty.
I am thankful for my desire to serve.
I am thankful for greatness.
I am thankful for meekness.
I am thankful for birds chirping.
I am thankful for conscious music that enriches my soul.
I am thankful for forgiveness.
I am thankful for prayer.
I am thankful for my office with windows and the great AC.
I am thankful for DVDs.
I am thankful for India Arie.
I am thankful for ABBA.
I am thankful for laughing.
I am thankful for my feelings.
I am thankful to be thankful.
I am thankful for a good date tomorrow.
I am thankful for cute boys.
I am thankful for intelligence in this world.
I am thankful for intention.

Tags:

My Gratitude List

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 13:52:20 GMT

As part of my week's work from The Power of Intention, I am asked to write a gratitude list and go over it every morning and every night for this week. I am using the blog as the place to put it down.

Below are things I thank you for Mother/Father God. Blessings are all around me and I thank you for the understanding and wisdom that allows me to see them. Thank you for continuing to bless me and guide me from blessing to greater blessing.

My Gratitude List

I am thankful for my friends and family
I am thankful for my apartment especially my big room
I am thankful for my Adventure in Faith group
I am thankful for my 4T Prayer Circle
I am thankful for Mimi, the beautiful dog I babysit for my friend Adriana
I am thankful for my loving dear friends who I cherish
I am thankful for my job which allows me to pursue my purpose in life
I am thankful that my life purpose is unfolding
I am thankful for my laptop
I am thankful for the money I make
I am thankful for the people I have met through my job
I am thankful for my books and the fact that I like to read
I am thankful for Zaadz
I am thankful for knowing I am experiencing my own conscious evolution
I am thankful for the boyfriends I have loved
I am thankful for the boyfriends who have loved me
I am thankful for my desire to have a husband and kids
I am thankful for Unity in my life
I am thankful for my high school memories
I am thankful to be smart
I am thankful I am cute
I am thankful for sunny days
I am thankful for rainy days
I am thankful that I love both rainy and sunny days
I am thankful for the beach
I am thankful for water
I am thankful for electricity
I am thankful for being able to pay Gretchen to iron my clothes
I am thankful for my health
I am thankful for my nice teeth
I am thankful that I am caring
I am thankful that I am sweet
I am thankful for my teddy bears
I am thankful that Mimi will sleep in my bed tonight
I am thankful for Thursday night dancing at Studio A
I am thankful that I am going to Unity Village in a few weeks
I am thankful for the knowing that everything will be alright with my license issue
I am thankful that it was only $500 and not $5000
I am thankful to be alive
I am thankful to be gay
I am thankful for my lunch with Michael today
I am thankful for Michaels kind words about my job
I am thankful to know someone like Michael
I am thankful for the kind words of Marcos
I am thankful that God spoke through Marcos and Michael about my job performance
I am thankful for the budget at work I got back
I am thankful for second chances

I am thankful that tomorrow I will be able to add to this list

Tags:

Welcome Back Juan

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 13:47:22 GMT

So it has been about a month since my last blog and I have kept wanting to come on and work on it but allowed other things to become obstacles.

I will quickly say that I have begun facilitating an in-home study group based on Wayne Dyers' The Power of Intention. I have a great group of loving people from all walks of life (except there is not one straight man!!!).

I have also become a vegetarian since my last blog and I feel gret. I feel great not necessarily physically because I do not notice a difference (doesnt mean there isnt any). What I do feel is that as time goes on, the energy that radiates in me gets stronger. When I hold someone's hands to pray, I can feel my energy being passed on to them and they feel it too. Its truly amazing. Especially for me who loves prayer. I have also learned more on my personal strengths and perserverance. For a meat eater like myself, everyone thought it would be a difficult task but it hasn't been bad at all. It is a true motivator in other parts of my life to see that I can do what seemed impossible at first.

I became veg for compassionate reasons. I was reading WIE's artcicle with Swimme, a kosmotologist? and evolutionary? He talks about the next evolution in man needs to be a conscious compassion for not just humans but for our brothers and sisters the animals and our father mother earth. I am taking steps to do just that. It's exciting stuff to be able to know that I am creating more alignment with Spirit in the realm of race consciousness.

WOOHOO!

Aside from that doing a lot of reading. Reading "Finiding the Boyfriend Within" and seeing what comes of it. I know I am not ready for a relationship just yet but I can tell its brewing. Here goes!

Anyway, glad to be back. I will be blogging again so keep coming back...and I mean it mostly for myself. I love to use the blog as an inventory of what is go ing on in my life and how much of it is aligned to my TRUTH.

Ooooh and later on I will tell you/myself about what the Tarot card reader said.

Love in service,

Juan

Tags:

Peace

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 01:46:32 GMT

I just watched the documentary Paper Clips. It was a beautiful expression of the way love and peace transform perceived evil into wisdom and understanding. And then I check my email and get this from Unity:

Dear Unity Friend,

Peace be with you.

Soul-deep, lasting peace. We all desire it. The world needs it. It's the peace that passes all understanding ... a peace that transcends and dissolves fear, hatred, unforgiveness, and a false sense of separation ... a peace that accepts the truth that we are all one.

As humanity discovers this essential oneness, peace will come. Quietly, but surely.

Of course, peace cannot be legislated or enforced, purchased or won. It must begin with you and me-the individual awareness and expression of peace.

"We must be the change we want to see," said Gandhi. We must be peace-each one of us-in the understanding that everything we think and do really does affect everyone else as ripples of positive or negative energy.

The early work of Unity founders Charles and Myrtle Fillmore was to discover, practice, and share the universal spiritual principles in all the major world religions. In doing so, the Fillmores, through Unity, provided common ground for people of all faiths and developed ministries to support them through prayer, publishing, and education. Those same ministries have evolved to support spiritual seekers today and are listed to the right. (Beginning with this issue, look to the right for helpful content, products, and services related to the newsletter theme.)

The way of peace is practiced by all the major world religions. It is the true way of Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism.

As Unity has been a unifier in the world, so can we by acknowledging our oneness, looking for common ground, and projecting peace wherever we go. We can think peace, pray for peace, act in peace. We can also become more aware that the same divine presence dwells within each person we meet.

Peace on earth is everyone's responsibility. This is affirmed in the opening and closing words to the famous Peace Song: "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."

So let's be the peace we desire. And let's do it now.

Your friends at Unity
http://www.unityonline.org/

How perfect, right?

Love love love

Juan

Tags:

Just another entry

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 06:32:03 GMT

So I cannot get to bed but at the same time I dont feel like doing much. I am listening to The Postal Service and talking to some kid online who doesn't like the "gay scene." All it leaves me wandering is what the gay scene is and whether I am so out of the mainstream "gay scene" that I dont even realize there is one in Miami. Maybe I am beyond the labeling of that grouping. Lets hope so.

Apart from that, I could be using my time to read my next lesson in Course in Miracles but I cant get myself to do it. The first three lessons have been easy to practice, almost too easy. I am questioning whether the fact they are easy means that I am not putting much thought into it.

Anyway, just wanted to write something.

Oh but I do want to say that last week I sent out an email to people I know in appreciation of teir friendship. It is amazing how that opened me up to receiving such wonderful emails (from people I didnt send it to) with their gratitude for me. Great how this universe works. I am also loving The Power of Intention. I am doing a workshop on it for the 12 Hour Transformational Journey at our church. The workshop is titled "Passions, Purpose...Powerful"

Tags:

Getting to know you...

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 03:14:55 GMT

1. Do we know each other outside of Zaadz?
2. What's your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'd get along with your family?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

Tags:

Interesting - The Secret and confidentiality

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 02:54:41 GMT

I just noticed how I began discussing The Secret and then went to confidentiality. No coincidences in this world. Thank you God for that!!!

Tags:

The Secret

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 02:53:44 GMT

Tonight we watched the movie The Secret as part of a class I am taking. What a great movie! It is all about the power you harness through the law of attraction. I need to watch it again because there are definately many things I want to start doign as a routine in order to work on how I use that particular law.

I have also begun to work with the Course in Miracles. I have to say I am feeling a little overwhelmed at this moment with everything going on but I trust that Spirit will provide all the time and energy to do all I want to do. I also trust Spirit to direct me to the things that I must do.

I had an interesting experience with confidentiality today. It happened to me throughout the day actually beginning with seeing something I did not feel very comfortable with during a chaplain activity and then tonight within the 4T program. In between that time though I know that I was not at my highest potential when I was not keeping in confidentiality something that seem miniscule but still it was a breach of trust. I think I am being called to address what my definition of confidentiality is and to stand behind it. I feel that I am now keeping confidentiality as very sacred but I see in myself sometimes when I discuss things that are not for me to discuss. I mean somethings are dumb like a funny story someone told about their life but more and more I feel that unless it is my story - I shouldnt tell it. I guess Spirit is asking me to truly be in integrity iwth my definition of confidentiality and Spirit guided me to the experiences I had today in order for me to see how I do not like it when I see other people doing it even when its not about me. Thank you God for guiding me to greater and greater actualization of my potential!!!

Anyway, thats it for tonight. I need to read Course in Miracles and finish a chapter within The Power of Intention.

Love and Blessings!

Juan

Tags:

Silent Retreat - August 17th

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 03:36:43 GMT

Wow I did not how long it had been since I had blogged. I think looking back on this week that I did not give myself enough reflection time at night. I had a lot of reflections during the day but when it came to getting online to blog, I chose to do something less productive like watch really bad TV.

The following are the 9 or so pages of notes I took on Friday, Aug. 17th at a Silent Retreat I went to from 10 AM to 3 PM. During that time I did not speak once. At 3 I only began talking to share of my experience. it was a beautiful day and below is the journal I kept.

After first 50 minute silence time
It is amazing how Silence makes you thirsty. I need for my thirst to be quenched. Amazging that the Spiritual manifests in the pysical. Just one more way to realzie - as within, so with out.

After second 50 minute silence time
Still thirsty but knowing God is filling me alway with love and joy.

At the beginning of the second time of meditation I cried. I cried longing to always know God. In accepting my need of God my soul cried out. Cried out because I have so much of God but yet so little. God is as me, through me and to me and yet there seems to be another face of God I long for. How lucky to be so awre of my journey! How lucky to love God and be loved by God. I now understand the joy of David. I now want to knkow the wisdom of Solomon and the peace of Jesus. It is a beautiful thing this journey. Thank you God.

Before lunch, we had time to walk around while we waited for the food to arrive. I chose to use the time to walk our labyrinth.

The labyrinth. So exciting, so insightful.

Its amazing how you begin and end at the same spot yet you dont really know its all about the beginning until you walk the labyrinth. You mut journey through life to know that you end up right where you started - Divine Mind.

The journey is intersting, so full, so rich. At differnet points of the labyrinth you face all of the cardinal signs - east, west, north, south and everything in between. I noticed also that the stripes on the ground were paints blue to me representing water. I was barefoot feeling the earth, the asphalt was hot and I noticed the fire and I consciously breathed into the labyrinth the air - the breath of life.

I have for a long time used "love" as a mantra when trying to center myself, when reminding myself to go to Source. Today it did not seem tow ork during hte first meditation and certainly in the labyrinth. So I began to use "peace" as the mantra and the effects were immediate. I felt connected to my 4T prayer group. We decided to choose peace as our cnetral group focus and we always end out prayer time with the affirmation:

Divine Peace within us manifests peace in our world.

Emotions ran up my spine. I felt connected to my group, to my heart, to God. I can tell peace is calling to be expressed in my life and I intend it in all my activities. The Peace of God is within me.

I really enjoyed doing the labyrinth barefoot. I could feel the life force and its heat running trough my body. I felt at one with the hot earth.

Another revelation was just that. I have always tried to silence my mind and at one point I felt I was "thinking" of the labyrinth too much and then I had a revelation. I was the wisdom of God. God's wisdom was revealing itself to me. What I must silence is what comes from the place of ego, what does not allow me to know my Truth. All of these "thoughts" on the labyrinth brought me closer to the understanding of God and myself. Those arent through of mind, those are revelations of Divine Mind.

Towards the end of my journey someone joined the labyrinth. We are all on our own journey and although at one time or another we meet, it is our individual journey to take. At other times she was close to me in proximity but yet at a different "leg" of the journey. Even if we are of "like mind" I must respect, honor and understand that we are constantly in different processes and stages of those processes. One same journey, many different paths.

In the center of the labyrinth I thanked God for many things. I was struck by my gratitude that said "thank you God for being able to be your bride." I understand it now. I am in Divine co-creating partnership with God. I take the oath to become a minister - to allow od to be my foundation and allow the Divine Idea to be birthed through me.

Is it any wonder the joy I felt ini the labyrinth? Is it any wonder I am the embodiment of joy. Thank you Mother Father Joy. Thank you.

This was written after lunch

I believe I have discovered the secret of life and it was all through SOUP! We just had lunch. I kept the silence and was aware of our nourishment. I could hear the crunchiness of cucumbers, feel the melting of the cheese. It was beautiful. We also ha gaspacho. I saw that I let the gaspacho sit for a brief moment and the ingridients started to separate. One I stirred, it was back to being connected and was once again a delicious, fresh, full of energy soup. I thought - THAT is life! Life's ups and downs was just the stirring to remind us that we are all connected to each other and to Spirit. There is nothing to fear from the stirring, it is purposeful.

So I bagan to think of the sense of separation. Divine Mind created Divine Idea, Divine Idea created ideas also and those ideas started having thoughts on themselves. Divine Idea saw how theose thoughts became confused and felt separate. Just like a grandchild is the same lineage as the grandfather, still the grandchild feels further away from the grandfather. Anyways Divine Idea created life for these thoughts in order to remind them of being connected. Life is not what we create out of separation but what we create because we long to be ONE.

After lunch, our silent meditation was doing a mandala that represented your life so far

The universe hears all. I had just told someone I wanted to do a mandala and here it is my next exercise (actually I had thought about it after seeing someones mandala on zaadz). Beautiful, I cried knowing I am supported. I am letting God direct me with the colors to use and where to use them. I will allow God to choose them from the box. All I picked at first were "joyous" light colors and then I got gray. I looked at the crayon but it doesnt have the name on it. Wow, whatever colors shape your life, do not label that color. It isnt light or dark, its a color that makes the mandala colorful, unique and beautiful.

The way I had the paper position was landscape. To me it meant that my life is not LONG but it is WIDE REACHING. When I said my life is not long, did i mean my life wasnt going to last long or that it had not been long so far - or both. Regardless I will touch more than either lengths.

I got white on white paper. Sometimes I may feel a "color" wont do much different but it adds texture!

The same color would come up to be used in areas next to each other sometimes. Thinngs come up again so you can revisit things left behind...but you can choose to continue.

Have the mandala speak to me - not me into it!!!!

Don't be so controlling, even the colors are unpure. They have shades within shades, processes within processes.

I ended up using every single color in my box without ever making an effort about it. Thank you God!

Simple mandala:
lots of green - prosperity
red supported by red - love
orange - prayer/Chaplaincy
purple - service

prayer supports my prosperity
prosperity supports my prosperity
love supports my love
my "grays" support my desire to be of service, it is my way to heal and be connected.

My mandala is so connected to my labyrinth. There is a center of gratitude, everything else built around it. N.S.E.W. All in a circle but with intricate processes within the circle.

I dont thirst during the day like I have today. I dont thirst for busyness - I thirst for Silence.

I was getting anxious with the pounding of crayons (some people were coloring very hard) but I must honor it, for it is how we all make our different mandalas.

This was the last notes I took after tearing up the mandala but before it being 3 PM and having the ability to share about our experience.

The Silence is not darkness. The VOID is not empty. I dont like that term - the void. Another V word I will try not to use.

All things seen, depend on things unseen.

I love myself, just as God created me.

I cannot discuss the mandala by showing it. We tore it up. Is this a lesson in detachment from lessons learned? Intersting. What I will say about my mandala will come from my heart. My communication through the heart without symbols or signs - just the Spirit of what my mandala meant...of what is my mandala STILL - its the essence of my mandala that remains.

Thank you God for a great day.

Tags:

Thumbsucker

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 04:27:34 GMT

I just finished watching the movie Thumbsucker. It is a movie I highly recommend. It is a movie that has touched me and allowed me to bring up into the surface some feelings from my shadow, or really to make me understand a little better where my shadow comes from.

In the movie, a wise Keanu Reeves says that the none of us as humans know what we are doing. All we can do is try, hope, guess. That we shouldnt allow ourselves to believe we have the answer. The trick is to live without the answers....or so he thinks. Thats what he says...living without the answers.."I think."

How do I reconcile that. Do I? I believe that its right in the way I understand it. As humans we will never know Truth. We can get closer to Truth but not fully come to know it through our Mind. My studies within my spiritual path is more to help my mind through the process of letting go of needing answers. It is to ease the suffering of my mind as I become detached to needs and desires. It comes into my mind the "myth of the given." As soon as we bring our moments of "enlightment" into our mind to try to "understand" it rather than letting it just be, we bring it into the realm of the ego and therefore we understand it not in full enlightment spiritual sense but more on an ego level. Not fully of the ego but not fully detached from the ego.

Another part of the movie that hit me was the love between the family. As I write this tears begin to swell up. Going away to college is such an emotional part in a person's life. Both for the person going to college and for the family being left behind. I was truly touched by a scene where the mother tells her son that she has always kept an eye on him. The son tearfully asks "yeah?" It brings into my heart a lot of emotions. I am experiencing the loneliness of feeling like I held in my power so much of my parents joy. Lonely in the sense that I feel that it isolated me from my true needs which was to feel love from them rather than having to make sure they felt love from me. Interesting, isnt it? My mother always placed such importance in my life. She made it well known that her children would be what brought happiness to her life because of a sense that she held that she was not loved earlier in her life. I think this is what made my parents divorce even harder. I felt my mother could break and in fact came very close to it. And I do not mean break in the sense that she had a break down because in fact she had one, a very big bad one. One where I was left to take care of her and console her. Even writing this I feel a little guilt in that I see it this way rather than me beingg able to just support her but it was so much pressure and I felt so alone. In my hand, someone made me believe I held the power to her happiness. I wasnt even happy with my own life, how could I be made responsible for anothers. And in trying to worry about the responsibility of her life, I forgot to work on mine.

My father was another case altogether. Things were ackward. If he didnt show love to me through words and actions, it was ackward. If he showed some appreciationg for me, I didnt know how to receive it and it became ackward. It was a lose lose situation with him. I am sure he must have felt the same way. how could he have not. And am I to blame him for this? Am I to blame my mother? I am not sure the word is blame. For I allowed this to take place. I placed it in my life. I am torn with how to feel about it. My father to this day I believe is trying his hardest but it is so ackward for him that it seems easier to just let it go.

I do not even know what I am saying anymore. All I know is that there is a lot of hurt feelings that have never been truly examined. We do not discuss these feelings. At times in the past out of rage maybe I mentioned a few of them but after the rage came this silencing. And the silencing became a way of being and it became more comfortable until now. Now I am aware and something needs to be done. I give it to God. God, thank you for guiding me to a resolution with my family. Thank you for guiding me to therapy. Thank you for guiding my words of love and healing. I am healed. I am loved. I am healing. I am love. I am.

Amen.

Tags:

Singing, Music and all other of life's little pleasures

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 21:13:22 GMT

I love it.

I love that I love to sing. I love that I still do not have what you would call a tuned voice. Singing is one of the things I do even though people would rather I didnt. Music causes so much joy in my heart that I cannot contain it. And here I get comments on how I dont sing well or how I should not sing as loudly and yet I know the joy that I get from singing and therefore I sing anyways.

Isnt that the point. Know what you love to do and do it. Not for the sake of others but for the sake of doing something that is joyous. Bring celebration into anything you do. And do not worry about the outside appearance. If you dont sing well or whatever it is you enjoy doing - dont worry if you do it well or not. The voice in itself is only an outside manifestation of whats truyly going on within - joy and love. So its not as important as how it comes out but where it comes from. So I love singing and how I sing regardless of others or what I have been told to believe (I had a bad voice). I sing to sing. I sing to love. I sing to be at peace. I sing to experience joy.

Speaking of singing, I found a song on my ITunes I had forgotten I had. Its a beautiful song called No Matter What by Boyzone. And before you think its a superficial song from a superficial boy band remember things are only as superficial as we think we understand them to be. For me it is a beautiful song about love. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it and I had forgotten it is a song I want to play at my wedding. So lover, where ever on your journey you are on your way to get to me, I dedicate it to you as I sing it now....

The weekend went well. Yesterday I went to the Miami Sea Aquarium. Pictures about the event will be up. I enjoyed it with my friend Carmelo. Its amazing what we humans have done and what the animals of the world have allowed us to do. Incredible that a beautiful mammal like a dolphin or the beautiful killer whales have such a strong connection to us and to their trainers. Think about it. How does a trainer train a dolphin to jump in the air and do two flips. Its not like the trainer can do it and give the dolphin an example of what is wanted from them. And we dont speak the same language. There has to be a deeper connection. A heart to heart language is what allows them to communicate. So if a trainer can convey to a dolphin that he wants it to do a triple flip and fall in the water with as much splash as possible, how come we fail to communicate the simplest things from human to humans? Could it be our language rather then making it easier to communicate allows us the chance to forget how to communicate at the deepest level? Language may really be a divider than a unifier. And I am not even speaking of hateful speech but even the "hello, i hope you are having a great day" can allow us to only put the emphasis on the words rather than the heart connection that should be underneath it.

Today I chose to talk heart to heart. For the coming week I will make a conscious effort when I want to convey something to go into my heart. Once a day at least I will choose not to verbalize something to someone but rather put it into prayer and know that it is through Spirit that it will be conveyed to that person. I trust in this. I trust in Spirit and I trust that the person will be open and receptive to Spirit. Yay! What a wonderful project for me this week.

Lots of love,

Juan

Tags:

Aura Colors website

http://lifeofservice.gaia.com — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 16:37:28 GMT

http://www.auracolors.com/test.htm

My top aura colors was a tie between Blue and Violet. Indigo came next.

Blues are some of the most loving, nurturing and supportive personalities of the Life Colors. They live from their heart and emotions. Their purpose for being on the planet is to give love, to teach love and to learn that they are loved. Their priorities are love, relationships, and spirituality.

Blues are traditionally teachers, counselors, and nurses---basically the loving, nurturers and caretakers on the planet. Blues are constantly helping others. They want to make sure that everyone feels loved and accepted. People are always turning to Blues for comfort and counsel because Blues will always be there for them. They consistently provide a shoulder for others to cry on.

Blues are the most emotional personalities in the aura spectrum. They can cry at the drop of a hat. Blues cry when they are happy, hurt, angry, sad, or for no apparent reason at all. Even watching a sentimental commercial on television can bring on tears.

Violets are the inspirational visionaries, leaders and teachers who are here to help save the planet. Most Violets feel drawn to educate the masses, to inspire higher ideals, to improve the quality of life on the planet, or to help save people, animals and the environment.

All Violets have an inner sense that they are here to do something important, that their destiny is greater than that of the average person. Most Violets have felt this way since childhood. As children, many Violets imagined becoming famous, or traveling the planet, possibly joining humanitarian causes such the Peace Corp. Many of these charismatic personalities take on roles as leaders and teachers, while other Violets prefer to reach people through music, film or other art form.

Because this era is currently the "Violet Age," any Violets who are not accomplishing what they came here to do are experiencing an inner "push" - even an inner "earthquake." Inner forces seem to be shaking them up and pushing them to move into action, to fulfill their life purpose. Violets know they are here to do something significant. However, they aren't always sure what that something is or how to accomplish it.

Many Violets were taught as children that their dreams and aspirations were unrealistic, so they have lost touch with their original visions. It's important for Violets to reconnect with their life purpose and vision, and to take action. Otherwise they will always feel unfulfilled. They will always sense something is missing from their lives. Violets need to learn to slow down long enough to listen to their inner voice and to connect with their higher vision.

Wow all I can say is that I think Violet as the visionary is being supported by my blue. I think this answers one of the questions I had last night for myself in my therapy. Last night I realized I do not do certain things in my life now so that I do not have to answer the bigger questions of - do I go to ministerial school? if i do, what does that mean for my hope of a family? will it be fair to my family if i go away for two years? how will it all work out? how much schooling is still needed? WOW

Juan

Tags: